Above: Tula, age 6
Above, the red shirt I wear when I feel like I have an attitude problem
Below: Emma and her piggy-tails
Below: Tula's birthday brunch
Below: Squish, the circle kitten
I'm sorry it's been so long. Not that it matters that much, there are only like 8 of you who visit this blog anyway. Wait, not to say that you 8 don't matter--in fact---quite the opposite. I LOVE YOU THE BEST!!! Since I've seen you last: Tula turned six, my newest cat got spayed, and my mother-in-law passed away.
Quite the roller-coaster.
So the thing I'm dealing with the most constantly is Kitty's death. I knew she was sick, I knew her time was limited, and I understood what it meant that she was under hospice care.
None of that matters in the end. We got THE phone call at 3am, January 31st. When a relative is gravely ill and the phone rings at 3am, you know what it is for.
And still, your heart skips a beat.
She was my mother-in-law, not my mother, so it is lesser pain than my husband should be feeling (though he doesn't show it, it must be there), but boy, I miss her. I really do.
Isn't it weird that we all know about death, we've probably all lost someone, but it is still so hard to wrap our heads around the concept of death? It's just too bizarre. I just can't understand how someone is so gone after being so here.
Sometimes I have this moment when I'm lying in bed at night, about to fall asleep, when I swear, for a split second, I know what death is. I can feel the truth of that gone-ness. That absolute non-existence.
Then the moment is gone. Then I am terrified in the aftermath of that split second.
Death sucks.
On a lighter note, I hope you like the outfits I posted, including one of the birthday girl in her yellow Spring princess dress, and the one of my kitten being a perfect circle. Like life and death. A perfect circle.
An imperfect circle.
Quite the roller-coaster.
So the thing I'm dealing with the most constantly is Kitty's death. I knew she was sick, I knew her time was limited, and I understood what it meant that she was under hospice care.
None of that matters in the end. We got THE phone call at 3am, January 31st. When a relative is gravely ill and the phone rings at 3am, you know what it is for.
And still, your heart skips a beat.
She was my mother-in-law, not my mother, so it is lesser pain than my husband should be feeling (though he doesn't show it, it must be there), but boy, I miss her. I really do.
Isn't it weird that we all know about death, we've probably all lost someone, but it is still so hard to wrap our heads around the concept of death? It's just too bizarre. I just can't understand how someone is so gone after being so here.
Sometimes I have this moment when I'm lying in bed at night, about to fall asleep, when I swear, for a split second, I know what death is. I can feel the truth of that gone-ness. That absolute non-existence.
Then the moment is gone. Then I am terrified in the aftermath of that split second.
Death sucks.
On a lighter note, I hope you like the outfits I posted, including one of the birthday girl in her yellow Spring princess dress, and the one of my kitten being a perfect circle. Like life and death. A perfect circle.
An imperfect circle.
Your words are so beautiful, just like you and your family. It has been 2 years since my Dad died and I still have trouble with it. I see something and think my Dad would love it, or I'll want to call him after watching something on tv, and then it hits me all over again that he's gone. I wish I was there to hug you.
ReplyDeleteLove
Suz