yeah, yeah, I know...

Above: Tula, age 6

Above, the red shirt I wear when I feel like I have an attitude problem

Below: Emma and her piggy-tails

Below: Tula's birthday brunch

Below: Squish, the circle kitten

I'm sorry it's been so long. Not that it matters that much, there are only like 8 of you who visit this blog anyway. Wait, not to say that you 8 don't matter--in fact---quite the opposite. I LOVE YOU THE BEST!!! Since I've seen you last: Tula turned six, my newest cat got spayed, and my mother-in-law passed away.
Quite the roller-coaster.
So the thing I'm dealing with the most constantly is Kitty's death. I knew she was sick, I knew her time was limited, and I understood what it meant that she was under hospice care.
None of that matters in the end. We got THE phone call at 3am, January 31st. When a relative is gravely ill and the phone rings at 3am, you know what it is for.
And still, your heart skips a beat.
She was my mother-in-law, not my mother, so it is lesser pain than my husband should be feeling (though he doesn't show it, it must be there), but boy, I miss her. I really do.
Isn't it weird that we all know about death, we've probably all lost someone, but it is still so hard to wrap our heads around the concept of death? It's just too bizarre. I just can't understand how someone is so gone after being so here.
Sometimes I have this moment when I'm lying in bed at night, about to fall asleep, when I swear, for a split second, I know what death is. I can feel the truth of that gone-ness. That absolute non-existence.
Then the moment is gone. Then I am terrified in the aftermath of that split second.
Death sucks.
On a lighter note, I hope you like the outfits I posted, including one of the birthday girl in her yellow Spring princess dress, and the one of my kitten being a perfect circle. Like life and death. A perfect circle.
An imperfect circle.

Avada Kedavra, Snow!

Emma and my mother got on one of those (above, drawn by Tula)

To visit this:

and buy some of these:


while I am looking out the window at this:

(-11 with wind chill)

http://www.universalorlando.com/harrypotter/

Hello, I love you.

Yeah, you know you want to do this to your stairs now.

obsession: interior spaces

Emma likes to tease me because I am always rearranging furniture in the house. I can also be found repainting walls, cabinets, etc pretty often. I love experimenting and changing my surroundings. That might explain why I move a lot. I have a looooong list of interior and exterior design blogs that I read everyday. One of them is called The Brick House, and that's where today's images come from. I hope you like these. I think they are perfect.

Rooms I love

A perfectly simple bedroom, above

Above: a gypsy wagon

Uh, the totally coolest treehouse EVER!

Above: The girly side of me wants this room very, very badly.

Above, elegant and organic perfectly blended.

Above, a corner of heaven

Just some pics of places and spaces I love. I copped these from the following blogs: the gypsy den, beautifully shy, room fabulous, i want that kitchen, and home sweet home.

Snow castles

What I really wanted was to cuddle up with Tula and some hot chocolate. Or even go see a friend in Buffalo. Inside somewhere. Instead-- snow castle making. Check out my faaaaaaaabulous outfit. LOL! I was wearing around 5 layers.

Anyway, I lovelovelove when Tula wears that hat. So cute.

The 12 Days of Paramore

On the first day of Christmas, Emma wore a Paramore t-shirt. Then she did it again for the next 2 days. I know that doesn't quite add up to 12 days, but I'm an English teacher, so it's pretty close.

Sister love. They are usually fighting.

Below, earrings made in Taos, NM.

***
...and just for the record, Tula and the cat hang like this all the time. Cat falls asleep there. Weird.

My dream room...

...is in a bus. Like this. Just me. Until I miss everyone. Or just for hiding out.

Why I come home

A peek into the corners of my world

My new-to-me sister, Sally.

Above: Me and Sally

Above: Sally with Emma and Tula

Above: Sally

Above: Me and Sally

Above: Sally, a serious shopper

Above: Our cousin Sarah, who is staying with Sally in the city for a while, my mom, Sal's dog, Oscar (yes, he's wearing an elf outfit), and Emma, at Sally's apt.

Above: Tula and Maren

So, this is hard to explain. I have a sister, two of them actually, who I didn't meet until 10 years ago. I was adopted at birth and had no idea they existed. I only knew I was born in Florida and that my birth mother was a teenager when she had me.

Then, to make a long story short, when the internet was still newish, I found a website that connected adoptees with their birth parents. On a whim, I tried it. A few weeks later, my birth mother, Tina, signed in as well. I got the trippiest phone call of my life.

"Hello, we think we've found your birth mother." Knock me over with a feather.

Even weirder, I was in NYC visiting my mom at the time and as it happened, so were my sisters Sally and Erika. We met. We had fun. I fell in love with them, but not without a bit of sadness: they were so bonded.

Erika is my half-sister. After Tina gave me up, she found another guy (my birth father was floating around, following the Grateful Dead or something) and had Erika (my half-sister). A few years later, she hooked back up with my birth father and had Sally (my full sister).

Erika is somewhere, not really in touch with me or Sally, but I hope she'll find her way back to us, or at least to Sally.

Sally and I have a connection. We are alike in so many ways (she's 11 years younger than me, btw). I adore her. I wont go into her life too much, because that's private, but suffice it to say, her life was much harder than mine.

An extra bonus: her daughter, Maren, and my younger daughter, Tula, are the same age. Cousins. They love playing together.

I can't wait to see her again.